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TRP: Hansel and Mishka (Reassurance)
Izzy: Morning 201, directly after Twine. Hansel needed air. He grit his teeth all the way through the fucking castle, glad there was no one else up. Should've grabbed his fucking boots, after all, because it was goddamn cold outside, but he just needed -- fucking air. He needed to move. What he needed was to fucking get somewhere no one would see him. He wanted to go to his and Mishka's quarters, but if Joan was still there, he didn't want to fucking -- Outside was fine. Better, even. The cold distracted him for a moment, made him blink and breathe, got him around the lake to the little Eldath shrine. Same place he'd found Mishka, that one time -- crammed up in the hollow left by a broken statue. That'd work. Didn't care for small spaces, but he didn't fucking care for how he was fucking feeling right now, either, and it'd keep anyone from seeing. He pushed himself back to the very back of the alcove and curled in on himself, still grinding his teeth. Tusk fucking hurt. He didn't know what he'd fucking done. Tried to fucking keep his shit together and take care of Goro, tried to make sure Goro was all right before he fucked off to go feel sorry for himself, and Goro just -- got mad at him, or something, for not fucking getting mad. Didn't make any goddamn sense. He didn't understand why Goro had gotten fucking weird when Hansel'd said he wasn't having a good time -- like Goro didn't care and wanted him to leave if he couldn't act like he was fine -- but he'd just fucking said the thing about wanting to keep a better eye on himself so Hansel could relax -- . Izzy: He didn't know what he'd done. I never know what's gonna make you mad, Goro had said. Like he thought Hansel would fucking hurt him at any moment, and like that was fine, and he fucking wanted to marry Hansel, anyway, and it wasn't fucking fine. It wasn't fucking fine. Hansel held himself and hissed and gasped through his teeth for a while, let himself keep fucking remembering it and keep fucking thinking about it, making himself shake and run hot even though it was freezing. When he started to feel the cold again, started to feel numb, he fumbled with the Sending Bead on his wrist, fingers brushing against the mask charm. He squeezed his eyes closed and focused on the bead. Mishka. I need you. I fucked up. I'm at the Eldath shrine. Can you come to me? ---- Coyote: Mishka awoke in an instant. There was a voice whispering in his ear. Hansel. Saying Hansel needed him and was at the Eldath Shrine. Mishka blinked drowsily. He was laying in Joan's room beside her in bed, her face pressed against his shoulder. Fuck. He needed to-- he needed to get to Hansel right fucking now. But what had Hansel meant, I fucked up? What if something else in the castle required his attention? Fucked up how? Was Goro okay? "Joan," he muttered. She grumbled at him, swatting at his face. "Joan!" "Shut up," Joan groaned, and stuffed a pillow over his face. "Don't smother me, woman. I am your business partner." "I'll smother you if I damn well please, Mishka. Hey. Make me some coffee." Mishka crawled out of bed, grabbing his boots. "No coffee. Emergency. Listen, ah--" Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Hansel had fucked up? How? What kind of fucking up? He needed to get to Hansel right fucking now, but-- had there been another storm? Had something happened? Okay. Options. Hansel might've fucked up and hurt somebody, in which case Mishka would obviously fix it. On the other hand, it was possible Hansel hadn't hurt anyone, and he hadn't actually fucked up, and he was once again blaming himself for some minor mistake that wasn't his fault, and Mishka had to go talk some sense into him. Coyote: . Coyote: Corellon bless Hansel. So perfect, yet so dumb. Fuck. Mishka loved him so fucking much. "I just got a weird Sending," Mishka said, stuffing on his boots as fast as possible. "Listen, could you do me a favor? I need to make sure Hans is okay. If you could..." Joan waved. "Yeah, yeah." She slid out of bed. "-- check the castle. I'm sure it's nothing, I just-- y'know, paranoid--" "I said I got it." "-- especially Goro--" Joan made a disgusted noise, as if she'd just been forced to remember that Mishka cared about Goro and was somehow dating him. "Oh, shut up," Mishka said. He blew her a kiss. "Love you." "Mishka, run to your goddamn husband," Joan said. She was already grabbing her clothes and heading out. Mishka let out a shaky breath of relief. Thank god for Joan. She'd make sure Goro was okay, and Mishka could go check on Hansel. Mishka cracked away as fast as he could. The shrine looked empty at first, but then-- he crawled up into the aclove, and there Hansel was, crunched into a ball of self-loathing. God. Mishka's heart squeezed in his chest, and he checked around to make sure there were no enemies. "Beloved," Mishka whispered, edging closer so he was within grabbing range. He wasn't sure if this was one of those don't touch me panic attacks or the please, god, hold me panic attacks. ---- Izzy: Hansel reached out without looking and grabbed Mishka around the waist, dragging him in and pressing his face into Mishka's chest. He was still shaking, but it was about half tears and half shivers, now. Mishka could fix that. Mishka could help him. He didn't know what the fuck he was going to do, but Mishka would help him with it. ---- Coyote: God. Okay. This was one of the please hold me panic attacks. Mishka preferred that kind, because then he could sit and stroke Hansel's hair and murmur reassurances. He settled in Hansel's lap-- mostly because that's where Hansel was allowing to him sit, apparently-- and hugged Hansel tight, wrapping his arms around Hansel's back, stroking Hansel's hair. Mishka kept looking out the alcove window for anything to stab, anything to burn, any fucking thing that would dare try to hurt his husband. Mishka was good. Full strength, right now. All his magic. Hansel was safe; Mishka would protect him. Nothing would dare fuck with Mikhail Haeth at full strength, protecting his terrified husband. He gave Hansel a few minutes to calm down. Then he murmured, "Hansel, darling, beloved. Nobody's-- nobody's hurt, right? I love you so fucking much. But can you tell me if someone else is hurt? Nod for yes, shake your head for no. That's all I need, my love, my soul." ---- Izzy: Hansel shook his head, swallowing. No one hurt. Just him, and Goro probably (he didn't know what he'd fucking done --), but that wasn't what Mishka meant. Could've been a Gruumsh thing. Or the wrong kind of freak out, the kind he hadn't had in a while, now, not like he used to, but Mishka would remember. He'd take care of it. It'd be okay. Mishka would take care of him. He kept shaking his head, and managed to mumble, "S'fine." ---- Coyote: Okay. Nobody hurt, then. That was good. Then Mishka could sit here and take care of Hansel as long as they both liked. “It’s not fine,” Mishka murmured. “Tovim. Tov. We are good, you are good. I have you. We’ll sit here quietly until you’re ready to talk. And then when you feel ready, I’ll ask you small, simple questions, and all you have to do is answer them for me. Just as I say. And I’ll handle whatever it is. Okay?” ---- Izzy: He shook his head again. Mishka couldn't handle this. Couldn't stop him from being a fucking idiot who screwed up constantly, even when he tried to do things right, or a rabid animal that got what it deserved -- Mishka thought the same thing, thought he was a fucking beast who'd killed their crew, thought he should hang and was right -- He choked and gasped in a breath, clutching at Mishka's clothes. Not true. Not true. Mishka didn't care even if he was a fucking monster, loved him and trusted him and would help him. Always helped him. No matter what he did. So he nodded instead, and accepted it. It took him a few more moments to settle again, but it was easier with Mishka there to hold him and pet his hair. Then he felt -- angry, for a second -- that Goro hadn't done that. Hansel'd tried to keep the fact that he was upset hidden, but Goro had noticed anyway -- of course he had -- and he'd pulled away and told Hansel to leave. Hadn't even tried. (Hansel didn't know what he'd done --) The anger burnt out almost immediately. Like Hansel deserved to feel better, anyway. Wasn't on Goro to comfort him, especially when it was an impossible goddamn task. He sniffled and kept shivering. ---- Coyote: Mishka unpinned his cloak. It was the dark blue cloak Goro had given him for Candlenights, soft and slick as otter’s fur. He wrapped it around himself and Hansel. Mishka warmed his body, giving off heat to make the room pleasantly toasty. He pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and wiped Hansel’s face carefully. “Who were you talking to?” It must have been a fight, if Hansel was weeping but no one was physically hurt. ---- Izzy: Hansel made a quiet nnn sound, suddenly not wanting to say. He'd stopped shivering at least, and now he was just twitching from the fucking nerves. He wasn't sure if he wanted to talk or just fucking ... sit there and suffer. Mishka was giving him the option, though, and after a second he realized that he did want to talk. "I -- fucking had an argument with Goro, but --." His voice was strained and cracked. "I don't know, I wasn't fuckin' trying to, and I don't -- he fuckin' acted like he wanted me to leave and then made it fucking sound like it was my fault, and ..." ---- Coyote: “Shh, shh,” Mishka said. He kissed Hansel’s hair. This was typically the part where he offered to toss people in a bear pit to make Hansel feel better, but he supposed that wouldn’t work with Goro. “Why did he ask you to leave, beloved?” ---- Izzy: "I don't know." Hansel dropped his face into Mishka's shoulder. "I don't -- I just didn't --." The feeling of not being able to breathe rose back up. He didn't know why Goro would ... do that. Didn't make any sense. He needed to talk it through so Mishka could help him figure it out, but it was fucking hard. He didn't think he should fucking tell Mishka what Goro had told him. Goro'd probably be all right with Mishka knowing, he figured, just wasn't Hansel's place to tell it. He tried to work it out in his hungover, tear-addled brain, how he could explain exactly why he'd gotten so fucking upset without betraying Goro's confidence -- the entire time fending off the thought that it didn't fucking matter, anyway, because he was a fucking monster and Goro already knew it, probably expected it of him, might as well just go back to acting like the thing everyone knew he was -- Deep breath. Seven seconds in, seven seconds out. "He -- he said this fucking ... this worrying goddamn thing about not realizing he's s'posed to use his safeword any time he's not into something, and that made me think -- y'know, if I'd -- if I'd done some shit he didn't like and he just hadn't fucking told me and I hadn't noticed -- but I kept it together and I -- I tried to explain it to him better, right?" He closed his eyes. Been moving too fast. Should've been sure, should've been fucking positive. "So I told him, if it's easier -- 'cause he thought mercy was for fucking emergencies only, or some shit -- told him he could say hold if he just needed a second. And then he wanted -- I mean, I was fucked up from the thing before, and trying to -- to not be fucked up, and -- he wanted to try it out, he wanted me to do something to make him say hold, so -- I tried, but I -- got -- got --." He was shaking again. Fucking -- pathetic. His jaw was clenching up, keeping him from forcing any more words out. ---- Coyote: Ah. Kraken’s teeth, this sounded like quite a knot. Mishka stroked Hansel’s back as his cried. “So,” Mishka said slowly. He spelled it out to make sure he understood. “Goro is afraid of speaking up and admitting he’s uncomfortable. Right? And that makes you uncomfortable, because you care about his comfort. Right? Bear with me, I’m going somewhere with this.” ---- Izzy: "I don't know," Hansel mumbled. That sounded like ... not all of it, but yeah. Yeah. That sounded right. "I guess." ---- Coyote: “Right,” Mishka said. He crawled deeper into the cloak, worming his way underneath Hansel’s jacket. “And then Goro asked you to do something that made you uncomfortable. He asked you to force him to safeword. And instead of saying no, I don’t want to do that, that makes me uncomfortable, you tried to force yourself to do it anyway without telling him. Am I understanding you correctly?” ---- Izzy: Hansel sniffled and nodded. ---- Coyote: “Okay,” Mishka said slowly. God, Hansel was so fucking cute, but— he had to focus. Hansel was upset, and it was Mishka’s job to fix that. “So, you don’t like it when he does that, right? You don’t like it when he tries to force himself to do things and makes himself uncomfortable. Hansel, he also does not want you to do things that upset you.” ---- Izzy: "Okay, but --." He cut himself off. That made sense, but ... then it didn't, because -- "But I fucking said I didn't want to, that it's not fucking fun for me to try to make him goddamn uncomfortable, and he -- just fucking pulled away, and I don't know know what I fucking did wrong, I just didn't want to fucking -- s'when he told me to leave and not fucking come back 'til I actually wanted to be there, and -- I didn't wanna fucking leave, I just didn't -- I don't know what I'm supposed to fucking do, just -- just not --?" He groaned and leaned against Mishka more heavily. "I don't fucking know." ---- Coyote: “Sh, sh,” Mishka murmured. He wrapped his arms around Hansel under the jacket. “Y’know, Goro told me this thing, once, that sometimes I ought to just let him be angry. Maybe that’s what you should do, alright? Let him be angry. And then in a day or so, or maybe this evening, you can sit down and talk together and maybe work things out more easily.” He kissed Hansel’s face again. “My love, you didn’t do anything wrong by telling him you were upset. Likely he just felt bad.” He’d fucking seen the way Goro looked at Hansel. The way he worshipped the ground Hansel walked on. It worried Mishka a bit, because he always sort’ve wondered what would happen when Goro realized Hansel was a real person— a dangerous person, at that— and not some perfect idol. He really fucking worried it’d break them. But either way, it seemed really unlikely (right now, at least) that Goro had actually wanted Hansel gone. ---- Izzy: "I tried to fucking -- make him feel better, I --." Hadn't fucking worked. It just seemed like it made Goro more upset with him. Couldn't do anything right. He curled his arms around Mishka tightly. The anger came back, a little, but his throat was tightening up over it. "I don't fucking do that to him, I don't fucking -- punish him for not wanting to do shit -- I don't -- fucking back off when he's upset and tell him to fucking leave, I -- I don't know what I did to deserve --." ---- Coyote: “Hansel,” Mishka said. “Sweetheart. Listen. Goro did a thing that made you uncomfortable, and then you told him, and then he probably felt bad. Alright? And when he felt bad, he should have said he was sorry or let it go. You’re right. That’s okay.”(edited) ---- Izzy: Hansel made a quiet, noncommittal sound in the back of his throat. He didn't know what to say if Mishka just ... understood, and agreed with him. He guessed that meant he was right. Maybe that made him feel better. He hadn't done this tiny thing fucking wrong, at least. "I guess," he started, and swallowed. "I guess -- that --." He didn't know how to make the way Goro had immediately pulled away from him, and then told him he should go, not feel like fucking rejection. Abandonment. He'd fucked up, he'd done something wrong, and Goro -- all right, no. If he hadn't done anything wrong there, then: "The thing," he tried again -- "The thing with the safeword -- I got fucking -- scared he maybe hadn't used it when he should have, y'know? Fucking -- freaked me out, thinking I'd --." He bit it off. "Wasn't his fault, though, and I didn't want him to have to -- have to deal with this --" he choked out an unhappy laugh -- "and then think, y'know, he couldn't tell me shit because I'd lose my fucking mind about it --." I never know what's going to make you mad, Goro had said, though. Guessed he already felt that way. Hansel tried to shake it off -- he was trying to make a different fucking point. . Izzy: "But I mean, he's fucking smart, and I'm --." If he said he was stupid Mishka would just tell him off for it, in that excessively kind and loving way that Hansel couldn't argue with. "I'm not good at that shit, so he fucking figured it out, and -- he told me not to feel bad but I fucking felt bad, I couldn't just -- just not, I couldn't just fucking stop. I mean, fuck, does he think I just -- fucking go around deciding to goddamn feel like shit about myself, I'd cut it out if I fuckin' knew how to." He scraped a hand through his hair, swallowing again. "I guess I don't -- if I'm s'posed to fucking let him be angry, I don't know why he won't let me be fucking upset." He sniffed. "I tried to make him feel better and he didn't ... fucking do that for me. Just told me not to fucking feel bad in the first place. Like I got a fuckin' choice. Then told me to fuckin' ... not come back until I felt better." He felt like it was getting mixed up in his head, what Goro'd actually said and what it'd made him feel like Goro was saying, but it was hard to fucking tease out. He was starting to feel calmer, but -- just fucking pathetic, now, and childish and sullen. He needed to talk to Goro; Mishka could help him, but he couldn't solve the fucking problem. He didn't fucking want to, though. Made his skin crawl. He wasn't fucking ready. Just held onto Mishka tighter. ---- Coyote: Mishka’s chest ached, hearing Hansel cry over this. He tried to hold Hansel tighter and failed, because he was already holding Hansel as tight as he could. He wasn’t sure what to say. There were times he’d felt the same way. There were times he felt weak, or insecure, or upset, and he needed Goro to just fucking… hold him or pet his hair or reassure him a bit, and instead, Goro bit him or brushed him off. He didn’t know what to do about it, either. He didn’t like it-- it made it impossible to let his guard down all the way-- but he supposed that’s just how it was. He still remembered, vividly, the day Hansel had gotten possessed down at the castle. And Mishka had just been fucking dying for someone to hold him, someone to be safe with a minute, to give him some kernel of reassurance or help. And Goro just kept shoving him. He understood it; Goro had been scared and in pain too, and had been lashing out. He just didn’t like it or know what to do about it. Goro seemed to do better with Hansel, though. It was sweet, in a way. “I don’t know what to say, beloved,” Mishka said slowly. “You should have said you were uncomfortable from the start instead of trying to force yourself to do it. That was your mistake. And when you did admit you were uncomfortable-- that was hard for you, and I wish he’d reassured you. That was his mistake. He’s young, and he’s scared, and sometimes he won’t be able to give you the help you need.” He kissed Hansel’s hair. “I’m sorry, my love. I think you should both talk about it when you’re more level-headed. I hate to see you both distressed. I wish I could be more help, but… ah… I think I’m biased, you know? I know you better than I know him. I don’t think I can help, here.”(edited) ---- Izzy: Hansel nodded a bit. As much as he could, fucking attached to Mishka as he was. Mishka never made him feel bad for the clinging -- commented on it every now and then with amusement, pretended to complain about it while actively laying across him. He always trusted Hansel to catch him, and keep hold of him. That helped him to calm down, a little more, too -- knowing that. "Yeah," he mumbled. "I know you're right." He shifted to rest the side of his head, instead of his face, against Mishka's shoulder. "You did help, though." He sniffled. "Thanks." Just felt fucking exhausted, mostly. Doing this shit with a fucking hangover. Eldath. He wanted to ask Mishka to crack them up to their quarters, but it might make him fucking throw up. Eh. He really didn't want to walk it. "Can you ... get us to bed. I'm so fuckin' hungover." ---- Coyote: “As you say.” He kissed the side of Hansel’s head. He rose to his feet and helped Hansel up— or pretended to, at least, since Hansel actually taking his hand and pulling on it would probably topple Mishka over. He kept wanting to talk about that... thing... that was bothering him, but— it never felt like the right time, never felt like he’d eased up enough for it. Everything was so tumultuous, recently. He cracked them between dimensions, and they appeared on the third-story balcony outside one of the empty rooms. He patted Hansel’s back and indicated the ledge in case Hansel had to vomit. Fucker always got sick when they teleported. ---- Izzy: Hansel gagged and leaned over the railing automatically, but put a hand over his mouth and choked it back. He coughed little, still. Mishka was so fucking smart, bringing them here instead of straight to bed. He took a second to breathe -- just the fucking nausea, this time, less than the nerves -- then hooked his arm around Mishka's waist to drag him in again with a grumble and kiss the top of his head. "Such a good husband," he said, muffled. ---- Coyote: “That is correct,” Mishka said, patting him. “Thank you for noticing.” ---- Izzy: END Title: Reassurance. Summary: After a rough disagreement with Goro, Hansel goes off to have a panic attack, then Sends at Mishka to come rescue him. Mishka does so, excellently, then takes hungover Hansel back to bed to sleep it off. Category:Text Roleplay